For My Dear Life

Lately I’ve been experiencing a portal of sorts. Perhaps a birthing canal would be a more suitable description for the fullness of this experience. There has been a sense of loss, gain, excitement, sorrow and grief, letting go and inviting in, and some bouts of fear and misunderstanding peppered with new possibilities. Isn’t that true of the squeeze? We seem to forget in the moment of discomfort that it too shall pass. It’s as if our very breath is being taken and we may at any moment parish, figuratively speaking. But at some level I think our bodies equate this to a true and real threat to our lives, at least it feels that way. 

I’ve noticed that when I make big claims on my life,  for instance something like, “I will experience new levels of success like never before”, or “Ok God, I’m ready, let’s level up!”, or maybe, “I am expanding my capacity to hold more joy, wealth, abundance, connection, and space for others”,  it’s in those moments when things seem to get tight, like the squeeze before exiting the birth canal.

These are the kinds of things I’ve been up to lately. Here’s one that really shot me out of the dark, “I am allowing my fullness to be present and seen in every moment easefully and joyfully”.  Whew, that one really called me to be conscious and compassionate at a level that I previously experienced as unsafe, uncomfortable and not well received. A statement like that said with conviction, faith and presence can really give a stir to your life, and boy did it. I found myself not only experiencing bouts of random joy washing over me but  also many moments of debilitating fear and grief. Grief for the versions of myself that couldn’t show up fully and didn’t feel safe to be seen. Fear from past experiences of feeling not good enough and incapable of holding more. Joy for no reason at all, and that was such a gift. 

I am learning to “take the good with the bad”, although I don’t really believe in the concept of good and bad. I think that we use these polarities to create clarity and certainty in places where we have no business judging or defining what is. The judgement of good or bad is only limiting our experience and potential integration with all that is. One cannot exist without the other. Not to mention it is absolutely based on one’s own perspective and experience and not the universal law of polarities. I made that up btw but I believe it to mean what I mentioned before.  Darkness cannot exist without light, up without down, in without out, here without there. They are merely two polarities of a spectrum of one, two sides of one coin, and in between is every possible combination of the two as one. 

Ok, I may have lost you there. I do have a point to this though so stay with me if you can.   

So back to the experience I’ve been having. And this is where it all ties together.  I am learning that to judge any experience I am having, have had, or desire to have, is to reject the whole of my life. What I mean by that is, in order to get there we have to acknowledge, accept and have gratitude for the “here and now”.  I believe the more neutral we can be about all of it the less friction we will experience along the way. When we look at the past and say, “that was bad, I am done with that shit” we are essentially saying to God/the Universe “I reject my manifestations and therefore do not trust myself or you”. When we say things like, “thank you for this experience, it showed me where and who I want to be”, we invite our whole selves to be a part of the creation of the new. We begin to work in concert with the forces that be, God/Godess, The Universe, Source energy, The Divine, what have you. We begin to move with life instead of against it. When we are able to have gratitude for our struggle as well as for our good fortune the suffering becomes less intense, in my humble opinion. New doors of possibility and opportunity begin to open for us because we are not fixated and focused on the pain of it all or the loss and grief that the past has caused us. This begins to touch on another very important aspect of birth. Letting go.

What is attachment anyway? Is it a way to feel safe? Is it a way to avoid the unknown, to create a false sense of security? Why do we hold on so tightly to the old when it comes to change, especially when the old is absolutely not serving us?

I like to use tools to help my mind get on board with my heart. A mind, heart coherence, if you will. Ah, just the sound of that statement relaxes my shoulders and neck a bit. The heart is meant to lead the way, the mind is a tool to help the heart figure out the how. But don’t get caught up on the how. There is a trick I use that can really help the mind flow and let go. I call it the faith tale. Why? I don’t truly know. It goes like this:

“ I don’t know how but…….fill in the blank”

I say things like, “I don’t know how, but I am going to experience so much joy today”. Or, “I don’t know how, but all the perfectly aligned opportunities are coming to me today”. Really you can say anything here, my body is going to feel amazing today, I am going to meet the love of my life today, and the list goes on and on and on and on. This is meant to be used as a practice, not a one time trick. The more we work with our minds this way the more open to possibility we become. 

Why this works to relax your mind is because it is an invitation to allow. “I don’t know how” gives permission to be curious and open to experiences and evidence that this shall be and is coming. The mind loves to find evidence that it is right. You become a magnet for the experience because there is nothing in the way of it being realized. Now it’s become a game of finding and noticing proof rather than figuring out how, so fun!

If we say things like “I am going to get rich today” and we have a belief that we will always be poor or rich people are bad or money makes people greedy etc. then our minds will reject this affirmation. Likewise if we say something like “I am going to meet the love of my life” without the “I don’t know how” and we carry a belief that we are not good enough or we don’t deserve love or we are not loveable then again our minds will reject this affirmation no matter how many times we repeat it. 

This experience of birth for me came because of these practices.

 Whenever we attempt to step into a new version of ourselves, our lives, relationships or financial status, what seems to always come up first is whatever is in the way. This could be in the form of grief because on some level we don’t believe it is possible no matter how badly we want it. It could show up as procrastination and all the excuses and reasons why we should not take that next step. Sometimes it just feels like resistance. There are so many ways in which we show ourselves that we don’t feel ready for that next level, for change. It is in those moments that we have the most power. 

So I have been sitting with myself in those moments of doubt or fear or grief, attempting to allow whatever is coming up to feel heard, held and honored. Showing up in a new way for the discomfort of not knowing how. Listening for the message that this part of me is attempting to show me. In many instances it’s just been a need for safety. I ask myself, or the part of me that is showing up feeling unsafe, “What is it that you need from me?”, “What can I do to help you feel at ease now?” Sometimes it is as simple as just being witnessed and allowing myself to fully feel the fear, grief, sadness or limiting belief about myself or life. What usually follows is an opening, a sense of possibility and clarity about what is actually true about me and what it is that lights me up and is possible in my life. When I show up for my fear and doubt without judging it as bad or wrong it seems to allow the emotion that follows to flow and go instead of being stuffed and stuck, rejected and avoided. This practice of allowing has given me so much freedom to be. There have been instances where I actually felt and noticed the beauty and joy alongside the sadness and grief. The two polarities were somehow able to be present at the same time. It was as if I were collapsing the duality of the whole and could then embody the fullness of the spectrum of emotion in the present.  Wow, what a weird thing to try to describe. 

I don’t know that I have done it any justice but I can tell you it has altered my experience of being alive, of being myself and of being in this world navigating life in a human body. A profound shift occurred that I can only really describe as and compare to birth. It is as if a new version of myself has been birthed that does not have the need to resist or fight or be right or look good anymore. Much like entering the world through the birthcanal, we feel afraid, like we may even die, and then suddenly, a new reality, a new world, life will never be the same as when we were in the “womb of illusion” swimming in only our own thoughts and ideas about what is possible.  

I will say that one of the most profound aspects of this process for me was to allow others to hold space for who I said I was becoming and what aspects of conditioning I was letting go of. It is so easy for our minds to talk us out of change, presenting all the logical reasons why it is a good idea to stay put or find acceptance for what we know we are growing out of. This is why I often turn to Hypnotherapy. It is a tool that so easily and effortlessly shows us where we are stuck, what is in the way and then offers ease in resolving and rewriting our stories. The stories that govern our experience of what is possible in life. The beliefs that continually give us a false sense of safety because it is their job to protect us from pain and suffering. Hypnotherapy offers a road map that is effortless to follow and often brings about the experience of joy and ease in the process of uncovering painful memories to be reconstructed within the body and mind. The beauty of this all is that there is no need to know the answers. When we are in a state of hypnosis our subconscious takes the reigns. Our thinking mind gets a break from the how’s and if’s and the result of this provides such profound transformation in such a short time we begin to have new experiences right away. 

I thank you for your time and for your openness. Thank you for reading and receiving what feels quite personal to me and may open an invitation to relate or recognize yourself in. 

 I invite you to take some time for yourself to begin to notice what might be stirring within you. What new experiences are you longing for? Is there any area of your life that you feel excited about? What would the next level of self expression or freedom around your work/health/love look like? What if anything within your current consciousness lights you up and is begging for your attention?  

If you have an interest in learning more about the work I offer with hypnotherapy I invite you to explore the rest of my website for more information or to book a free consultation with me.  

With so much Love,

Liva